Without fail
by Living in a fantasy
Summary: Without fail, at the stroke of midnight the carriage will turn back into a pumpkin. But at the stroke of midnight, Hikaru will always be there to change it back. HikaruKaoru


AN: I honestly don't know where this came from. The first part in italics I wrote a couple weeks ago, and then I just felt like writing so I decided to write a bit more for another drabble. Somehow it ended up being over 1000 words long. I guess my feels someone how translate into nice angsty feelings for Kaoru. Well, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran.

NOTICE: It has come to my attention in a review that my story shares a lot of similarities with PaolaAdara's story "Ties" from "Fiddling while Rome burns". I had not heard of this story until a reviewer asked about it, so I just want to make sure that is clear. After that review I read the story and there are surprisingly a lot of similarities, but I assure you I did not plagiarize, I believe in creating my own work. All similarities between our stories was unintentional. But if you get through this you should look at her story, it's very good. Anyway just wanted to make sure that was clear. Now enjoy.

/…/…/…/…/

KAORU'S POV

_The magical fairytale is coming to an end. Soon, very soon there won't even be the remains of a carriage, and what happens to us while we're on it? We'll be on the carriage when it becomes a pumpkin again, so what will become of us?_

_Anytime now, they'll start fighting over her. The host club will crumble at the rivalry between them. Tono, who despite the teasing I still rather admire, will never see the feelings Kyouya conceals. Despite wanting what is best for his best friend, he can't help but be slightly jealous; that all talk they have revolves around their daughter. Mom and me are pretty much alike, although I know he does not share such a deep love for Tono as I do for my twin brother._

_It isn't right, or natural. It's taboo, but that's what we've always tried for. To go against the masses. Us against the world. Until she came along and opened the gate. Now while I huddle in the back, Hikaru ventures forward, and soon he's going to leave our world behind, and enter the world of them, and I'll be all alone._

_I don't want a yucky pumpkin. Things at the host club were great until she told us apart. It was always 'us' versus 'them' and we never needed anyone else. Now his eyes are always on her, but her eyes are never on either of them. Quite pathetic really, how they're both trying to win her over._

_I want so much to save us all, by pulling Hikaru back and never letting him go, but I can't hinder his growth. I would die if it would make him stronger, but I'll just step back into the shadows, and slowly close the gate behind me._

_Of course, I'll always keep it unlocked. In case Hikaru ever decides to come back inside._

_/…/…/…/…/…/_

I've been careless. I've been silent a little too long, supportive a little too much, and withdrawn a little bit more. I suppose...it was only a matter of time until Hikaru caught on.

He doesn't really know what's wrong though, but he can tell something's wrong. He hasn't said anything, but I can tell from the way he looks at me, from the lingering touch on my shoulder even after the act is complete. And I know as soon as the host club closes he's going to ask, he's going to try and make me break my silent vow.

I'm selfish. If Hikaru asks, if he manages to even make a guess in the right direction or gives me that hurt expression of his, I'll break. I'll tell him everything. And then there will be no point. I'll be hindering his growth; I'll be holding him back from taking the next step forward...

_But, when Hikaru…notices that he wants to take another step forward…when that happens…what will I do?_

He must be taking that step forward now and he would if I wasn't there holding him back. If my foolish emotions weren't shining through enough for him to realize something is wrong, but nothing IS wrong. Nothing SHOULD be wrong! I should be happy for him. I should be laughing and smiling and giving him brother to brother advice, but all I'm doing is pushing him forward and...

I really am selfish. In the back of my mind, all I want him to do is turn around and run back. I want him to stop talking to Haruhi when he realizes I'm not there and come looking for me. But the gate is closing already, I can't let him get back in, I can't let him depend on me alone.

_It's almost midnight_.

As host club ends I stand abruptly. I move towards the doors and glance back to see where Hikaru is, how close is he to catching me?

My heart literally breaks when I see he isn't even coming after me. He's standing next to Haruhi, leaning on her shoulder, grinning at something cute she must have said. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on before being replaced with half of it missing. Because half of it is missing. The half that is Hikaru, the piece that is Hikaru, and since my entire heart belongs to him I don't understand why I can still exist with him not following me, not running after me, not wanting to know what is wrong with his own twin brother.

My hand clenches around the door handle and I feel like my legs will just collapse under me if I stand still much longer.

_Midnight has come._

And the door slams behind me. I can almost feel Hikaru's heated gaze on the door when it slams shut, but I don't care anymore. I'm running, running, running, faster then I have in my entire life. I just need to get away. It's midnight and the carriage is changing and if I stay I'll be caught along with it. I need to get out of the building, I need to get away.

_But that isn't possible._

I trip on the stairs as I hear my brother's shouts.

"Kaoru, Kaoru WAIT!"

But I'm done waiting. I'm done tripping over myself to do whatever he wants, whatever he expects. He needs to stay outside, he can't come here, he can't see me when the carriage breaks down and the disgusting pumpkin takes its place, he can't see the affect it will have on me.

I can't let him see what an ugly, selfish person I really am.

So I'm running again. Faster and faster. I break through the door and feel a rush of cool autumn air hit me straight on, almost knocking me back in surprise. It's chilly and damp, a sure sign of fall, a sure sign of _pumpkins, _a sure sign...

_You can't stop time._

And I'm still running, but as I do I forget that Hikaru has always been a little faster me, yet another thing that sets us apart. Another thing that makes us two different people. Hikaru used to equal Kaoru, and Kaoru used to equal Hikaru, but now Hikaru equals Hikaru and Haruhi, and Kaoru equals a deep lounging for Hikaru that is so deep, so painful that when he thinks of it, it feels like his entire soul is on fire, it feels like he's bleeding and dying painfully over and over because it's wrong and taboo and it's his brother...

And Hikaru loves Haruhi.

The thought alone sends me to my knees and before I can stop it a broken sob has gotten through my defenses.

_The carriage is gone._

And Hikaru is there. God why does Hikaru have to be there to witness it? And he's taken my face in his hands and he's looking at me with those eyes, so deep with confusion and hurt and concern that I know when he asks, when he asks why I'm running and almost crying, I won't be able to lie to him.

"Kaoru what's wrong?"

And I don't care if it's selfish. I don't care if it's wrong, and vile, and despicable because I've imagined a world without my brother, a world when he leaves me for Haruhi. I'm alone and pathetic and he could care less. And I want him to be okay without me, but he isn't depending on me I'm depending on him, and it hurts so much and I just can't lock the gates behind him without telling him.

"I know you have to take that step forward and I have to lock the gates behind you! And it's selfish of me but I don't want the carriage to turn into a pumpkin! Please don't leave me alone and leave me a step behind, don't let the pumpkin be me and control my entire life, I need to know that you won't forget me when you move forward," I'm shouting, and I'm making no sense. It's a jumble of words that I can't seem to get in the right order. This isn't the right confession, this confession makes no sense. Hikaru won't understand, he won't understand a metaphor. I am the literature one after all.

But he pulls me close and my tears are falling faster now, staining his jacket as he lovingly strokes my hair and tell me everything is okay.

"You idiot," he's murmuring fondly, and I don't understand why, don't understand how he can even know what I just told him, but he pulls back and I'm ready for the rejection.

Ready for the "I'll always love you as a brother but I have to go to Haruhi now."

_Because the fairytale is over._

But it doesn't come. Instead he gently brushes away my tears with his thumbs and smiles at me. "I love you Kaoru. More then anything. More then tono or the host club or Haruhi. You are the most important person in the world to me."

And I'm still crying. Crying because I can't believe it's true, there is no possible way what he is saying to me can be the truth, and he puts his lips against my cheek and kisses away a tear running down it.

Then he's leaning forward and his lips capture mine. It's shy yet sure, gentle yet confident, dominating yet careful. It's so contradictory, but that's everything Hikaru is, and I relax and realize that yes, this is the truth, yes Hikaru really feels the same way as me, and I kiss back.

It's taboo, it's a sin, but it is the greatest feeling I have experienced in my entire life. It is the most right thing I have ever felt and it may not be accepted but I finally feel whole.

And I smile into the kiss and Hikaru breaks away, nuzzling against my cheek. "What was all that about a carriage being a pumpkin anyway?"

I pull him closer for another kiss. "Nothing. You've made everything okay again."

And we melt into the kiss as a few stray raindrops begin to fall around us. It's cliché but not, because there is nothing cliché about two twin brothers falling in love and gently kissing in the rain.

But honestly whatever anyone says doesn't matter.

Because I have my Hikaru. And he equals me and I equal him, and everything is perfect.

_You cannot stop time._

_Without fail, at the stroke of midnight the carriage will turn back into a pumpkin._

_At the stroke of midnight Hikaru will come running._

_And at 12:01 the pumpkin will turn back into a carriage._

The end

/…/…/…/

And that's it. Originally I was just going to write a small drabble and post it on my myspace blog, but it turned out so long I decided to share it. Please review and tell me what you think.

As stated above I did not copy PaolaAdara's story. I did just read it and there are similarities, although hers seems much more organized and thought out then mine ha ha. But again, I did not copy.

Please review, thanks for reading.


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